


white and blue

by emilieee



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst, Chat Blanc - Freeform, F/M, Hurt and comfort, LadyNoir - Freeform, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:07:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25286575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilieee/pseuds/emilieee
Summary: Ladybug has three words she wants to say to Chat Noir: I love you.But she’s very well aware of the warning from the boy with white hair and blue eyes: our love destroyed the world.So she treasures those words to herself, keeps them at the cobwebbed crevices of her heart for the sake of everyone else and at the price of herself.Too bad Chat Noir has long learned she’s a bad liar.
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug
Comments: 24
Kudos: 301





	white and blue

**Author's Note:**

> For Ladynoir July, day 14: Chat Blanc

Chat must’ve smiled the smile at her ten thousand times, but there must be something different about the ten-thousand-and-first time, because Ladybug feels butterflies in her stomach when he lands beside her and shoots her that million-watt grin. 

“Hey,” he greets, legs swinging against the side of the building. “What are you thinking about?” 

She stares, starstruck by his smile, for a couple of moments too long. 

Chat waves a hand in front of her face. “You’re spacing out.” 

Ladybug blinks again. “I’m not.” 

“Are so.” 

And so they return to their usual routine of bickering, and Ladybug forgets (or tries to) about the way her heart had stuttered at his smile. 

***

More often than not, Ladybug’s nightmares are covered in white and blue. The landscape is destroyed and bleak, like life has been bleached right out from the air. Skyscrapers have been toppled, the streets are flooded. She sees her parent’s bakery, crumbling and abandoned, the colorful paint peeled off. 

The boy that haunts her nightmares never fails to show up. As Ladybug stares at the ruin around her, he appears: white hair, dead blue eyes. Smiling. He’s  _ always  _ smiling, in that twisted, frightened, empty sort of way. 

And then he’ll lean in, still smiling. A broken reminiscence of her partner, torn apart and patched together by messy needlework, the eyes of a stranger in the face of a best friend. 

“Chat,” she’ll try to say, but her voice fails her. She can’t bear to call him  _ Chat Noir,  _ but neither can she force the other name past her lips, even if everything about her surroundings whisper it.  _ Chat Blanc. Chat Blanc. Chat Blanc.  _

His blue eyes tear into every fiber of Ladybug’s body, right down to the bottom of her soul. “This was  _ your fault,”  _ he murmurs. “And you’ll pay for it.” 

***

She wakes up in a cold sweat, shivering. She keeps a small stash of pictures of her partner on her bedside, and she stares at them after the nightmare; the black suit, gold hair, green eyes, and reminds herself that she’ll never have to see him like that again. 

***

Chat Noir doesn’t make it easy. 

He brings her chocolates on Tuesdays, and Wednesdays, before he patrols, he shows up with ice cream. He plucks flowers from nearby gardens and gives them to her. 

Ladybug turns them all down. His ears droop. She wants to tell him that it hurts him as much as it hurts her. 

But she doesn’t, because she can’t. Because his warning rings too clear, and the consequences never fail to haunt her no matter where she goes. 

Little by little, Ladybug realizes: she wouldn’t mind Chat Noir. She wouldn’t mind accepting those chocolates he always brings her, wouldn’t mind taking his hand in those stolen moments between busy patrols and akuma attacks, wouldn’t mind telling him her worries and doubts and troubles. But she can’t. 

So she holds those feelings and three unsaid words close to heart, holds them dearly and wishes wishes  _ wishes  _ she can tell him one day. 

***

The sky is grey but it does not rain. 

It’s as if the clouds are holding their breath. Ladybug races over the rooftops to their meeting spot, heart as heavy as the sky. She spots Chat Noir a couple buildings away, his black suit standing out against the white backdrop he’d chosen. As she nears, she hears him humming to himself, soft as a whisper in the silence. He stops when she settles down next to him. 

“Hey,” he greets.

She swallows the lump in her throat. “Is something wrong? Why did you call me out here?” 

“Maybe I just wanted to see you, m’lady.” 

Two months ago, Ladybug would have laughed it off and pushed him away from her easily. Now his words catch in her heart, squeeze around her lungs, and her mouth goes painfully dry. 

“Don’t tell me you called me here just to waste my time,” she says, a lot harsher than she’d intended. Judging by the way Chat frowns, her tone has gotten to him as well. 

He looks more concerned than hurt, though, peering up at her. “Are you okay, Ladybug?” 

She settles down stiffly beside him. “Yeah, why do you ask?” 

“Because…” He gestures at her. “You  _ don’t  _ look alright. What’s on your mind?” 

_ You,  _ Ladybug wants to say, because it’s true. It  _ has  _ been him that’s on her mind these days; his smile, his voice, his eyes,  _ everything— _ repeating like a broken tape recorder.

“Nothing,” she lies. 

Chat fixes her with an unwavering gaze. “I know you better than that.” 

Ladybug does a double-take at that. For all his flirty remarks and the over-the-top jokes, Chat Noir has almost never pushed her like so. She knows he’s far too smart to believe it when she’s so blatantly lying, but he also never calls her out on it either. 

Until now, apparently. 

“I’m really fine,” she insists weakly. 

He settles his elbows on his knees, leaning forward to stare down at the cityscape. “You don’t have to tell me what’s bothering you, Ladybug. I’m not asking you to and I will never force you to. But you don’t have to lie about what you’re feeling. I’m always here to listen or offer support or anything you need.” 

A streak of lightning tears across the sky above them, and a moment later, thunder cracks. Still, the clouds hold their rain, darkening by the moment. 

“Hey,” Chat probes when she still doesn’t reply. “Seriously, Ladybug, you’re scaring me. Can you just say something?” 

“I like you,” she blurts, stupidly miserable and hopelessly desperate. 

Chat looks like the lightning had struck him. “Y-you… what?” 

Another brilliant, blinding flash. The thunder rumbles, but this time, the heavens open wide and rain pours down. The first drops of rain hit her like tiny pinpricks, before they come blow by blow, colder and colder. 

“I don’t know,” Ladybug whispers. “But I  _ can’t,  _ chaton.” 

“Hey.” His voice trembles, like his hands that reach towards her. Then they stop, hover, and retreat. “Ladybug, what can’t you do? Why? You…” 

  
The rain soaks her hair, slides slick against her suit and splatters all around them. It’s almost scarily dark now, the storm clouds gathering above them, prepared to hurl everything they have down. Ladybug isn’t sure if it’s the coldness of the water and wind that seems to restrict her breath or the terror that has worked itself around her chest, squeezing so tight that it hurts. 

The rest of the words don’t come out. Instead, all of the fear and grief comes pouring out in tears, and she bursts out crying. 

There’s no point wiping her face when she’s already drenched for the rain, but Ladybug still tries until it’s fruitless. Then, burying her face in her hands, she continues to cry. 

It feels stupid and useless and weak.  _ She  _ feels stupid and useless and weak. She’s resolved to herself over and over again; to avoid seeing Chat Noir—one of the most important people in her life—turned into Chat Blanc, she could bear this burden no matter how heavy. She could carry the weight of the secret, the weight of her own feelings and not falter. 

But it’s now that Ladybug realizes that perhaps she  _ can’t.  _

Warm, steady hands wrap around my shoulders before she’s pulled into a hug. Chat is equally drenched, but he still feels warm. 

“It’s okay, Ladybug,” he soothes, ever the pillar of support between them. “You’re okay. It’s okay. I-I won’t ask if you don’t want to talk about it now. I’m here.” 

So she cries into Chat’s shoulders, and lets her. 

She cries until the rain washes away the images of the boy with blue eyes and white hair, anchored firmly in her partner who does not let go. 

“It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me now,” Chat whispers quietly, when the tears begin to cease. “But just know that I’m ready to listen whenever you want to.” 

Ladybug sniffles once more. She believes him. Wholeheartedly, with every fibre of her being—she believes him. 

And maybe everything will be okay, after all. 

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr at [e-milieeee!](https://e-milieeee.tumblr.com/)


End file.
